A Toasted Day

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Copyright Category: Publications and Books
Type of Work: Literary
Copyright Holder: Maria Corazon Elgar de la Cruz
Website: http://socyberty.com/holidays/a-toasted-day/
Year Published / Made Public in: 2011
Date Added to Copyright Register: 17-Jul-2012 10:44
Last updated: 30-Sep-2012 22:15

Literary Copyright Work Details:

A Toasted Day


When life’s common but rare irritants come together to create the 


perfect marinade… just before the oven gets very hot!

There are times when I have the urge to possess an atomic bomb 


which would bring about sudden and ultimate nuclear Armageddon. 


Not the computerized type tested somewhere in Antarctica but more 


like the primal produce of J. Robert Oppenheimer. Not that there 


are any vindication in doing so but you know what I mean.

   I slept at around 2:30 am and was determined to stay in the 


soft, warm and cozy feel of my bed for the next ten hours. My 


slumber was put to a halt when the phone started ringing. I 


figured that if I ignored it, it would just stop. Well, it didn’t. 


Trudging my slipper-less feet on the floor, I reached for the 


receiver and croaked, “Hello?”

   “May I talk to Raul?!” the caller barked. This woman apparently 


missed her toilet training.

   “What number are you calling please?” I mumbled, being 


unacquainted with this Raul she was looking for; whereupon the 


uncouth woman hung up.

   Instantaneously my brain rose up to several degrees Fahrenheit. 


I am not Miss Etiquette nor do I expect my fellow humans to be the 


epitome of virtues but I do envision common courtesy in simple 


matters as a common telephone conversation.


Lest I want to wake up like a bloated grasshopper, I decided that 


going back to sleep would be futile. Seething, I opened the 


freezer and tried to let the cold air slow the process of self-


combustion. Then I washed my face, brushed my teeth and went to 


the kitchen to get my caffeine load.

   There was no hot water. While waiting for the water to boil, I 


perused my monthly lifestyle magazine. My contribution was there 


but my pseudonym was misspelled in such a way that anyone who knew 


its meaning in Spanish would definitely think I’m a “walking 


feces”. I began to hyperventilate.

   The kettle began to hiss and whistle. In my haste my left idle 


hand gave the kettle a Marat Safin serve thereby spilling water 


all over the floor. My nostrils emitting fire, I stretched for the 



   Through determination I concerted to compose myself into 


something akin to a homo sapien. I dragged my carcass out of the 


house and trailed it by the side of the road. As I still got a few 


minutes to spare, I rejected to take any of the tricycles that 


offered themselves – why do they do that when you don’t need them 


then bolt off faster than the speed of light when you’re in a 


rush? –and hailed a jeepney.

   Loading the jeepney, my derriere, in pure ignominy, slipped 


from my intended parking area and landed right in the middle of 


the aisle. Smiling like an idiot, I resumed my seat next to a 


well-japormed who has never encountered the word “deodorant” nor 


“tawas” in his entire fetid life. To brace himself from the 


constant lurching of the vehicle, he has raised his arm to hold on 


to the railing. While I progressively run out of oxygen, I feel 


great connection with the Jews during the World War II when they 


were slowly dying inside the gas chambers. Most appalling, I have 


to endure such torment until I reach my destination.

   I was accosted by a friend who gave me the print-out of my 


grades for the semester. One scan of the whole paper and 


schadenfreude simultaneously blinked in front of me like neon 


lights. I was scatterbrained for about a second then forged ahead 


to my long Psychology exam. It was not until five minutes after I 


submitted my entire 500-word essay when I realized that I wrote it 


in James Madison’s Federalist No. 55.

   This is just my kind of day. Pass me that microphone, please, I 


need to caterwaul.



A Toasted Day by Maria Corazon Elgar de la Cruz. Find out more 


about the poet @labellacor (Twitter) or add her as a friend at 




Copyright 2012-7-17 

Literary Keywords/Search Tags:
Tags: 500-word essay, Antarctica, Federalist No. 55, robert oppenheimer, James Madison, lifestyle magazine, Marat Safin, microphone, Miss Etiquette, neon lights, nuclear Armageddon,

This Literary This work is copyrighted and may be used and/or cited as follows:
A Toasted Day by Maria Corazon Elgar de la Cruz. Find out more    about the poet @labellacor (Twitter) or add her as a friend at    http://www.facebook.com/theadwealthizer. 

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Date Added: 17-Jul-2012 10:45

Submission Details: Literary Work submitted by Maria Corazon de la Cruz from Philippines on 17-Jul-2012 10:44 (Last edited on 30-Sep-2012 22:15).
The Copyright work has been viewed 1146 times (since 22 Nov 2010).

Maria Corazon de la Cruz Contact Details: Email: theadwealthizer@gmail.com

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